application

"There is nothing, naturally speaking, that makes us lose heart quicker than decay—the decay of bodily beauty, of natural life, of friendship, of associations, all these things make a man lose heart; but Paul says when we are trusting in Jesus Christ these things do not find us discouraged, light comes through them." -Oswald Chambers

apply apply apply. I feel like I'm at a point in my life where I'm applying things. I went through school and graduated and now I have to apply what I've learned. The same goes for my faith. I've spent my life learning about God but it hasn't been till now that I feel I'm being tested to apply what I've learned. I know right and wrong, I know that i need to trust God. I know that he can satisfy me. yet i have some trouble applying what i know. I'm not sure what the disconnect is for me but somehow my knowledge and actions aren't lining up. In my head I'm trying to matriculate a formula, if i do this and this then i'll be on the right track but it doesn't work that way. Sure it helps to have accountability and resources, but in the end my decisions lie solely on me. Sometimes I hate free will. God just make me love you ha! but clearly thats not love at all, and i understand the point of free will. It isn't love if it's not a choice.

when will someone choose to love me? (see this is my problem... I know God chooses to love me yet I don't believe that he satisfies... I know he does, but i don't trust it. which leaves me looking for love in other places)

i know all my problems, but how do i change them? how do I trust God? how do I apply what I know?

¹¹ In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. ¹²Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. ¹³ Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. ¹⁴ For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.

-Romans 6:11-14