I just called to say I love you

its weird to think that there have been so many times where God has come into my life and I never even knew it because I was not looking for him. God's been breaking me down the past few months "give and take away" couldn't be more true. He's rid things from my life but also given so much. It's been a painful but growing time and I'm finding new things everyday. Being back in Houghton is wonderful I know this is where I'm supposed to be, I love working here, I love the people here. But at the end of the day I still go home to an empty apartment (besides my cat). I know that I need to be single right now, so its not about a desperation for a mate. Most of my close friends aren't here so it's hard. There are many nights I get really lonely and walk around my apartment trying to keep myself busy or my mind occupied with other things. But when I feel so alone my first desire is to call someone, anyone who might be awake at the time. You might be thinking, Ashley thats not a bad thing to want to call people if you're lonely, but i've let calling people replace talking to God. For so long I've relied so heavily on people being there for me.... but we're human and people will let me down or not pick up the phone.... excuse the corny metaphor, but God never hung up to begin with. So I remind myself when I feel lonely that God is listening and he understands and he is the best friend I could ever have. I've been keeping a prayer journal and it's helped so much (I still call people.... because friends are still good, but they are not my only reliance).

I don't think I would have ever been at this point if it weren't for being alone. God works in mysterious ways. He's brought me to this place because I have a feeling that he is going to start working dramatically in my life and hopefully the lives around me :)